Ashes

I watch as the wind carries the ashes of what once was and can never be again. The terror, the cynicism, the pain have all burned away. In it’s place is a seed, small and scared, unsure of what it is to become, hoping the rain and sun can find it through the debris. Growing is an arduous battle when all that surrounds are charred remains. Destroyed but not forgotten, the lifeless remnants still scream of the evil that had taken place. What is now the helpless seed was once the giver of destruction, taught by some of the earth’s most sinful. Can something so devastating shed everything it once was and sprout roots for a better way? Should it be allowed? The wind carries the ashes of what is to never be again and in the ground waits a seed now filled with guilt, shame, and sorrow.

A door has closed and many have opened.

My Pen Name is Ath and this is my blog.

I started this blog as part of my new journey. A journey to find new friends, new love, new adoration, new challenges, and most importantly, new Self. My goal is to find myself, reinvent myself if you will, not only for me but for my two children and their mother. We are currently divorcing and the reason is my own path of destruction. Destruction of both self and surrounding.

I must rebuild everything Ive torn down and rekindle whatever is left of my past. I must build new bridges because all of the others have burned. I absolutely have to open my mind and let people and ideas in and leave my cynical self behind. I am aware now that there is no future with what my past was. It will be a daily struggle to learn how to love again, love myself and love others, and also to accept that I am not a monster and that I can change.

No one has sacrificed more than Song Bird. She has given everything to me and I have given nothing in return. Instead I have hurt, destroyed, and taken something from her that I can never give back. She deserves to see a new me and so do our children. I am forever in debt to her priceless giving.

So with all that said I welcome you to my page where I encourage you to share your thoughts, opinions, comments, ideas, everything, positive or negative. I hope this can serve as an inspiration to others who have lost everything by their own doing and to those who have been put into Song Bird's position. Starting this blog in no way makes up for all of the pain I have caused and it is not the one simple answer in it's entirety. Rather, it is one small step of the long journey of recovery that is now laid out in front of me.

This is dedicated to Song Bird, Honeybear, and Buddy. Three dorks that I will forever love and cherish.

My Pen Name is Ath and this is my blog.